


Magnificent Men and their Flying Machines

by eanor



Category: Cabin Pressure, Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005), Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-29
Updated: 2013-01-29
Packaged: 2017-11-27 10:16:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/660807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eanor/pseuds/eanor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At the end of the world the Doctor has to team up with some unlikely allies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Magnificent Men and their Flying Machines

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for [challenge 201: "Three Fandoms Walk Into a Bar"](http://great-tales.livejournal.com/206857.html) at [](http://great-tales.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://great-tales.livejournal.com/)**great_tales**. Originally I only planned to write the first part, but then some unexpected plot happened. I blame Carolyn for wanting more time to boss everyone around. ;-)  
>  Many thanks to [](http://goldvermilion87.livejournal.com/profile)[**goldvermilion87**](http://goldvermilion87.livejournal.com/) and [](http://musical-lottie.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://musical-lottie.livejournal.com/)**musical_lottie** for very helpful beta-reading!  
>  Comments and criticism are always very welcome. Enjoy! :)

“Welcome to The Restaurant at the End of the Universe!” The Doctor had jumped out of the TARDIS and was now spreading his arms in a dramatic gesture. Amy followed him.

“So which end of the universe is this? East, West? Do such directions even exist in space?”

“Oh, it’s not the end of the universe in space,” the Doctor spread his arms even wider and perhaps even more dramatically. “It’s the end of the universe in _time_. The final minutes before it dies. If you can say ‘die’ about a universe. That’d make this The Restaurant at the Death of the Universe. No - _no_! Horrible name. No one would come here if they changed the name to _that_.”

“Pretty chandeliers.” Amy had started to explore their surroundings. “And a marble floor – very classy. Must have been really expensive, though they probably got a discount for that pattern. And there – wow, _that’s_ what I call a bar! Wouldn’t mind spending an evening drinking there, would you?”

“Doctor?”

Amy turned to see that the Doctor was still standing next to the TARDIS. She sighed.

“I know, I know. You don’t actually take me to fancy restaurants in space just because. Who are we here to meet?”

The Doctor nodded towards a corner behind Amy. “He’s just over there.”

The individual in question was slumped at the aforementioned bar, one of the few men among other more alien looking customers. He was staring into space, his hands in a tight grip around a glass of indistinguishable liquid. The Doctor clapped him on his back.

“Haven’t seen you in a while!”

The man jumped. But when his eyes focussed on the Doctor, a soppy grin spread on his face. He high-fived the Doctor and what followed then looked half like a dance and half like an assassination attempt.

“When you’re done with your manly greeting rituals, would you mind introducing me to your friend?”

“Oh, right.” The Doctor stopped, his right hand still suspended at an impossible angle above his head. “Amy, this is Ford, an old friend of mine. Ford, this is Amy, who travels with me through time and space.”

Ford waved a hand at her. Amy walked around him, eying him critically.

“He looks so normal.”

The Doctor laughed. “What did you expect? A man with two heads and three arms?”

Ford cleared his throat.

“He can’t talk right now,” the Doctor explained. “Had a little too much to drink, I imagine.”

Ford looked proud rather than offended. Amy rolled her eyes.

“Anyway, that’s why we had to pick up Arthur for him. He wasn’t allowed to fly his spaceship anymore. Oh!” He clapped a hand against his forehead. “Right, Arthur! Amy found him at the airport, just where you said he’d be. He’ll be here any moment; got a bit overexcited while flying with us. Cheerful fellow, isn’t he?”

Ford eyed him suspiciously.

“There he is!” Amy said, clearly happy to interrupt the Doctor’s speech. And indeed, there Arthur was, wandering aimlessly around the restaurant. When he spotted them, he ran over with a big smile on his face.

“Hello chaps! This place is brilliant, isn’t it? They’ve already offered me flights to three different planets and I didn’t know one of them! I would've brought a book if I'd known! Though of course Mum says never to run off with strangers, so yeah, I didn’t.” He looked thoughtful for a moment, then added, “Of course you’re not one of those strangers I can’t run off with. You’re brilliant. And your flying machine is brilliant, too. I bet Martin would really like it. It’s much bigger than you would guess when you first see it, isn’t it? A bit like GERTI – I mean you wouldn't think there'd be space for 100 otters on there, but Martin and Douglas proved it!”

There was silence for a moment.

“What’s a GERTI, Doctor?” Amy asked in a stage whisper. “Is it like a sort of TARDIS? And what’s with the otters? Are there time travelling otters somewhere?”

“I really have no idea,” the Doctor whispered back audibly.

Ford just stared at the three of them. Finally he managed to overcome his Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster induced stupor.

“You brought the wrong Arthur! How, how could you get that wrong? I gave you a description and everything!”

“Sorry,” Amy didn’t sound like she was sorry at all, “but as the man who was too drunk to get him yourself I don’t think you have any reason to complain.”

“I wonder where the real Arthur is now,” the Doctor said.

“What do you mean I’m not the real Arthur? I really _am_ myself, Mum had me tested! Look, I can stand on one leg, touch my nose with my right index finger _and_ my right ear with my left index finger. Only real people can do _that_.”

“He might be in trouble,” Ford said.

 

 

_Meanwhile, in a pub near Fitton airfield_

“It’s so typical of Ford to simply forget about me,” Arthur muttered into his beer. “Especially now when I really need a lift from this planet.”

“Tell me about it,” Rory concurred. “One moment I’m right behind Amy and the Doctor, looking for you, and the next moment they’re both rushing off in the TARDIS without even noticing they’ve got the wrong Arthur.”

They stared at their drinks for a while.

Then Arthur asked, “Do you think they’ll notice before, you know ...?”

“Yeah, I think so. I mean, I’m not sure about the Doctor, but Amy’s my wife. I’m pretty sure she’ll remember to save me before the world actually ends.”

“Which would be in twenty minutes.”

There was a squeal from the table next to theirs. A small man turned towards them, his freckles standing out on his pale face. “Erm. E-excuse me, but did I hear you right? The end of the world is in twenty minutes?”

“Nineteen now.” Arthur sighed. When the small man paled even further, he added in a slightly friendlier voice, “I’m Arthur. I’m waiting for this friend of mine to remember that he left me here.”

“And I’m Rory. Hello! Don’t worry, the Doctor is big at last minute surprise appearances.”

“Em,” said the man. “I’m Martin? And I’m, erm, I’m a pilot. No – the captain! I mean, a – _the_ pilot captain!”

“Are you sure you don’t mean ‘pirate captain’?” Rory asked sceptically. “I mean, look at your hat!”

“Would you like a beer?” Arthur asked. “There are still fifteen minutes left until the end of the world. Or we could have tea, just in case.”

“In case of what?!” Martin shrieked. “How is _tea_ going to save us??”

“It isn’t,” Arthur admitted. “It’s still nice, though, isn’t it? I mean, just in case the world really _is_ going to end, this could be my very last cup of tea. Never found any decent tea anywhere in the whole galaxy.”

“There you are, Martin!” A breathless older woman shoved through Arthur’s and Rory’s seats, causing Arthur to choke on his beer. “Arthur has somehow managed to vanish off the face of the earth. You don’t happen to have seen him do that?”

“Erm, Carolyn, I think you might like to know that the end of the world – ”

“Did I say I was interested in the end of the world? _No_. I said I was interested in knowing where my idiot son has gone. Now, can you help me or not?”

“I think the Doctor might have picked him up,” Rory interjected.

“A doctor? Why would he need a doctor? Did he get himself injured again? And anyway, where would they have gone to? God knows there’s no hospital near Fitton. There’s _nothing_ near Fitton.”

“Ah,” said Rory, “Well, he may have travelled just a little further than Fitton.”

“Ten more minutes,” Arthur said.

“I don’t think I like the idea of some doctor coming and kidnapping my son, idiot though he may be. Do you know that doctor, young man? Tell him to bring Arthur back to me right now!”

“Carolyn, you might like to focus on the fact the whole _world_ is going to end in ten minutes!”

“Oh, stop whining. Just go and tell Douglas to fix it.”

“I don’t think even _Douglas_ could – ”

“Never mind,” Rory interrupted. “Do you hear that noise? That’ll be the Doctor and I’m pretty sure he’s both bringing back your son and going to save the world. He loves doing that. Saving the world, I mean, not kidnapping people’s children. Although, if you look at Amy and me ...”

Just then, the TARDIS materialised.

“D-d-d-id that thi-thing just?” Martin ran out of words. He opted for hiding beneath his table.

“Don’t worry,” Rory said. “It’s supposed to be doing this.”

Carolyn frowned at him. “Now, young man, where is my – ”

“Hello, Mum!” Arthur threw open the blue door. “Hello, Martin, and hello, other people!”

“Arthur! Come here right now! What on earth were you thinking, running off like this?”

“But, Mum, it was brilliant! We went to this restaurant thing and then back and I’ve met so many brilliant people on the way and …”

The Doctor and Amy emerged from the TARDIS, carrying Ford between them.

“I told you not to stay too far behind, stupid.” Amy ruffled Rory’s hair.

“Yeah, love you, too,” Rory said. “But would you mind leaving my hair alone?”

“Five minutes,” Arthur said. Nobody paid him any attention.

“And we went to see some stars, too! Did you know that stars are actually quite big? Not tiny twinkly spots of light _at all_. I think they’re misleading us on purpose.”

“Arthur, dear, listen very carefully now: There is no such thing as a star conspiracy.”

“Yeah, but you see: that’s exactly what they want you to think! Only we star travellers know the whole truth.”

Carolyn turned towards the Doctor.

“And you would happen to be that mysterious doctor, wouldn't you? You probably think you’re very clever, appearing out of thin air in that stupid police box, but rest assured that _I_ won't be impressed by humbug like this. The _last_ thing Arthur needs is someone to encourage these curious ideas of his.”

“The TARDIS is a time machine and it’s not stupid,” said the Doctor.

“It wassall a misunderstandin',” said Ford and swayed a little. “We didn' mean to take _your_ Arthur.”

“Will someone please start saving the world?” Martin yelled from underneath his table.

“All right, then,” the Doctor said and pulled his sonic screwdriver out of his pocket. “Let me just adjust this to - …”

“Minus one,” Arthur said quietly.

Silence fell and all faces turned to look at him sharply. Arthur rolled his eyes.

“Look, it’s not my fault. I counted and now I’m at minus one. The world should have ended one minute ago, but apparently it didn’t.”

“Hurrah!” shouted Arthur.

Martin stood up again and carefully brushed some crumbs from his uniform.

“Did I make an error in my calculations?” the Doctor muttered. “No, they were right, they _had_ to be right...”

Ford shook his watch – at least it looked like a watch. “You'd've had to make the same error as me then. Pretty unlikely, huh?”

“Some timey-wimey stuff going on?” Amy suggested.

“Ah, there you are, Douglas,” Carolyn interrupted her. “I was wondering where you’d skulked off to. Now, explain to me what’s going on here!”

Douglas leaned against the doorframe nonchalantly. “Why would you ask _me_ what’s going on when you have all those experts standing right there?”

“The drunkard and that funny man with his ... screwdriver?”

“It’s a _sonic_ – ”

“Shush! Anyone who confuses _Arthur_ with someone important is too stupid to be called an expert. Now, Douglas, go on.”

“Well. While all of you were busy discussing the question of Arthurs and alien spaceships, _I_ happened to stand outside right next to where the _other_ alien spaceship landed. The one that contained a whole bunch of otters who apparently spend their free time travelling through time and space. Rather charming, actually. They briefly considered blowing up the Earth, but after a friendly chat I discovered that all they _really_ wanted to do was sit in a human aeroplane for once. God only knows why, but at least I could help them with _that_. Martin, you will be pleased to know that one can indeed fit 100 otters on board of GERTI.”

Martin sighed. “You didn’t really ...?”

“Ah, if your other option had been the end of the world, I’m sure even you would have let these otters on board.”

“But it’ll take hours and hours to get GERTI clean again!”

“Yes, you may thank me now.”

“Douglas, you are brilliant!”

“Thank you, Arthur.”

“Not bad at all,” the Doctor said and gave Douglas a critical look.

“Don’t even think about it!” Amy said, “He’s not going to let animals on board of the TARDIS.”

“I hate the end of the world,” said Arthur. “It’s always so stressful. Glad it’s over now.”

“Yes, yes, yes, me, too,” said Carolyn. “Now back to work, you lazy men! Dear alien ladies and gentlemen, I hope you won’t bother us again soon and let me apologize on behalf of my son. He’s not the best representative of anything and certainly not of humanity. Come now, Arthur.”

As the two of them left, Carolyn asked, “Now what did I tell you about running off with strangers, Arthur?”

“It’s brilliant and you’re going to save the world?”

“ _No_! It’s dangerous and anyway, _you_ didn’t save _any_ thing.”

“Oh. All right then, I won’t do it again. Unless it’s the Doctor because he’s not a stranger anymore, is he?”

“Arthur!”

“Should we be off, too?” Amy nudged the Doctor who was obviously enjoying listening to the conversation. “We didn’t even manage to grab something to eat at that fancy restaurant.”

“Do they serve tea there?” Arthur asked.

“Did you have to take that pirate captain’s hat, Doctor?” Rory asked.

“Just one more beer and I’ll be ready to go,” Ford said.

“All right, then.” The Doctor rolled up his sleeves. “Well, now we've averted the end of the Earth, who's ready for the End of the Universe?”  



End file.
